I’ve never thought of myself as a comedy writer, and I don’t see my future veering that direction, but this morning I was reflecting back to a column I used to write for my old Army newspaper. It was called Pick Up the Paper (the very first column I entitled Pick Up the Paper and Read All About It, but I shortened it when I was asked to write another such column). I believe I wrote about 50 of those columns, and while the subject matter varied from issue to issue, I often injected humor into real situations that either I or others found ourselves in. Occasionally I would tread the sentimental path and hope to cause my readers to shed a tear or two, but more often than not, I would fill the space with outrageous situations in hopes of making my audience smile.

More comments came my way from Pick Up the Paper than anything else I wrote while working for Uncle Sam - positive comments - yet a so-called civilian “expert” once went over our post newspaper critically to show how it could be improved, and he said to drop that column because it does nothing. I’ve sometimes wondered if that man had a pulse, or just simply didn’t like to be entertained. Perhaps he hates writers like Dave Berry or Tim Dorsey. Some people compared me to Dave Berry, but my stuff was certainly more grounded in real life. Crazy antics and other things I would talk about just weren’t his cup of tea.

And sometimes those crazy antics focused on things I read about in the “real” newspapers. I would find weird but true stories and comment on them, wondering where in the world common sense had flown off to.

Anyway, though I don’t aim to produce comedy tomes, I do tend to infuse it into most of my works of fiction. My short story Something the Wind Blew In, while dark, with some grotesqueries going on, is laced with humor. Same with my novel Prometheus Stumbles. And isn’t it true that sometimes when faced with dangerous or stressful situations, we find ourselves wanting, longing for, something to be able to laugh or smile about?

Since last we met, I’ve been reading from various books in trying to close out the year with 50. That’s the number I read last year, and there is no reason why I can’t match it again. For my Sunday School class I’m reading through Sacred Marriage, but we do one chapter a week, and I haven’t done the math to see if I’ll get this one finished. I could read ahead, but I’ve got plenty of printed pages from other sources to forge on ahead with.

I recently finished a book I reviewed for LibraryThing called Doubleback, by Libby Fischer Hellmann. I really liked the fast pace and the differences of the two main characters. Hellmann has a great knack for keeping the reader constantly entertained.

I’m also trying to wrap up Four Past Midnight by Stephen King. I’m on the last novella, The Sun Dog, and have about 60 pages to go. I wasn’t all that thrilled with this collection. It doesn’t begin to compare to Different Seasons, but that is a tough comparison considering the classics that King penned with those. I’m attempting to catch up on my King reading, but I’m 19 years behind. I’ve read everything of his up to Four Past Midnight, with the exception of The Dark Tower books. I still have two more of those to buy, and plan on reading them straight through...eventually.

Another book I’m working on is called Mayflower: A Story of Courage, Community, and War by Nathaniel Philbrick. I’m not very far into it, but it’s an interesting historical work so far, and make me fondly recall Love and Hate in Jamestown (which I highly recommend if you are at all interested in early American history...John Smith was an extraordinary man). I may or may not get it finished by Thanksgiving.

Every workday morning, before leaving, I read two facing pages from a book called The Fiction Dictionary, by Laurie Henry. I’m rapidly nearing the end of it, so I will have to choose something new for my morning short read. I have a few ideas in mind, but nothing concrete yet.

And then there are the books most of you won’t give a hoot about, such as Getting To Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, by Roger Fisher and William Ury. I just read a bit of it here and there, but it’s pretty good so far in the early goings.

Something else I’m trying to complete is an old 1990 issue of Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine. I have hundreds of old digests like that that I haven’t read yet. I’m trying to decide of 2010 will be a year of magazine catching up. I have many years of Realms of Fantasy, a dozen or so Cemetery Dance issues, some Weird Tales, and lots and lots of Asimov’s, Analogs, and The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction. Along with more Ellery Queens and a few Hitchcocks. I have an inclination to see how many I can finish up, but there are SO many books I want to read also. Such as finally reading Foundation and all the supporting books for it, catching up on more King, and taking a trip back to the magical worlds of Terry Brooks. Not to mention all the older science fiction classics I want to read. In September and October I read three H.G. Wells novels (The Time Machine, The Island of Dr. Moreau, and The Invisible Man) and Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. There are many more to finally read, not to mention a lot of Heinlein, Dan Simmons, Jack McDevitt, and other favorites. The problem with being a lover of books and reading is that they continually keep putting out more that I want to read!

Which brings to mind the people who continually read things like Dune or The Lord of the Rings once a year. Okay, I acknowledge how great they are and the sense of enjoyment they provide, but subsequent readings only reveal so much, and there is so much other stuff out there unexplored!

These are my final thoughts on the December 2009 issue of The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction.

Nancy Springer’s story Iris reminds me somewhat of an old movie from the seventies starring Jimmy Stewart called Mr. Krueger’s Christmas. The lonely old lady in the story fashions a memorable Christmas for herself after all. It’s an okay Christmas story, but I certainly wouldn’t put it in the Connie Willis or John Mortimer classification (but then who can match their yuletide delights?). And this brings to mind something totally different from this issue, but speaking of Christmas stories, one of my all-time favorites was in a different magazine (the recently resurrected Realms of Fantasy). The title of the story was Walter’s Christmas Night Music. I can’t recall who wrote it, and don’t know if he ever wrote another thing, but this was a masterpiece that could easily be turned into a nice made-for-TV holiday movie. Wish I could give you more info, but right now I’m about 800 miles away from my copy of the magazine.

Herel Jablov, the protagonist of Tim Sullivan’s Inside Time finds himself in a strange predicament, being caught up in a space prison of sorts, but doesn’t mind so much as he is falling for the only other occupant there. Her name is Mae, and while she is a prisoner for political reasons, she explains to Herel, he is only there as a temporary measure. I won’t go into all the whys of it (read it yourself…it’s a good story), but things turn sour for Herel when another prisoner, Conway, arrives. Do things ever turn out well when there is one girl and two guys? I think not (especially when you consider that Clint Eastwood sang “I talk to the trees” in Paint Your Wagon when he and Lee Marvin shared a girl). Anyway, this is another one of those stories that makes the purchase price worth it.

The Man Who Did Something About It by Harvey Jacobs brings two things to mind. The Twilight Zone and The Simpsons. Read it and see if you agree with me. While the story was somewhat entertaining, I could have lived without it. Yet it is easy to read and better than most things on television, so who’s complaining?

I Needs Must Part, the Policeman Said by Richard Bowes started off as one that I really wish I wasn’t reading, but about midway through I found myself fascinated by what he was telling me. There are layers here, much deeper than the surface, and though I would have been loath to admit it when I first started reading, I may find myself reading the book that this is going to be a part of. So if you start reading this and just can’t get into it, I ask you to keep going. It’s the last story in the issue, so why not finish it? You may find yourself actually liking it, the way I did. If not, no harm no foul. You are pretty much finished with December 2009. And I’m looking forward for what’s in store for 2010.

Welcome back to anyone who actually read my last posting. How could you contain yourself in the meantime, waiting (probably impatiently) to find out more awesome things about the December issue of The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction?

I’ve read most of the remainder of the magazine since last Friday, so I’ll cover some of that today, and the rest the next time I post.

Farewell Atlantis by Terry Bisson was an odd story, and if you like your science fiction with a comedic bent, especially one that calls purposefully on the trappings of cliché, then this is right up your alley. It starts off with a man and woman being the only survivors on a spaceship, and they immediately fancy themselves as Adam and Eve, off to repopulate the human race. But the clichés don’t end there. It’s goofy, funny, and readable. Not my favorite story in the magazine by far, by quite entertaining.

This was followed up by Hell of a Fix by Matthew Hughes, and this indeed (if you read the previous post) seems to be the story behind the cover art. I really enjoyed the first half of this tale much more than the second half, but it was easy to read and Hughes’ prose seemed to flow well. Fans of the oh-so-popular urban fantasy craze should appreciate this story.

This issue contained two stories based on the moon. The first one, Illusions of Tranquillity by Brendan DuBois, was just okay. The plot contained nothing original and the pace moved along fine. I’m not sorry I read it, but it really did nothing for me.

Kit Reed’s The Blight Family Singers was an odd spoof of sorts of the Von Trapp Family Singers (of The Sound of Music fame). Another story I could have lived without, this wasn’t my cup of tea. It combined the Do Re Mi group with oddball cults and resulted in me flipping pages to see how much further I had to go until it was over. My apologies to Reed or anyone else who likes it. It's not that it was bad or poorly written. It just didn’t move me or entertain me much.

Juxtaposed to The Blight Family Singers, I completely loved The Economy of Vacuum by Sarah Thomas, a young writer in Boston University’s graduate journalism program. I can only hope that she produces more works of fiction. While there were a couple things that put this story in the PG-13 realm, it produced in me the sense of wonder that I wanted to feel with the first moon story in this issue. So yes, this one takes place on the moon. But when you are the only one there, things aren’t quite so hunky-dory. The latter half of the story had some characters that made me think of The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell (what? you haven’t read it? get thy to a bookstore!). This story made the magazine worth it.

That’s all for tonight. Join me again soon for my last part of my thoughts on F&SF December 2009.

As I communicated to some of you via email and Facebook, I’m the fortunate recipient of an early December copy of The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction. In today’s world of magazines that go out of business faster than I can turn the channel when The Golden Girls reruns come on, F&SF is a dinosaur. The current issue on newsstands (Oct-Nov) is the 60th anniversary edition, and it may be one you want to add to your collection. Personally, I have read the magazine off and on for many years, and collect old issues whenever I can get them at a good price.

One of the things that makes this magazine stand out to me is that it covers fantasy, science fiction, and a smattering of dark fantasy, bordering a wee bit on horror. There are other digest-sized magazines out there, but their focus tends to be on just science fiction (and then there are the mystery/crime digests, along with some smaller sized “horror” digests, but F&SF puts it all together in such a neat package that a speculative fiction fan, upon discovering it for the first time, feels like standing up and applauding!).

Another thing F&SF has going for it is the cardstock cover and back. It feels almost like an oversized paperback, rather than a magazine, which definitely adds appeal. For this particular issue I’ll be covering until I’m finished reading it, we are greeted by a grinning skull with curved horns coming out of its head. Well, it’s actually a skeleton, but we can’t see past the upper ribs. A pitch trident, or perhaps more fitting, a pitchfork, is assumed to be held by this happy-go-lucky hell-spawned creature. Perhaps he’s the ruler of his underworld kingdom, and as Mel Brooks said, “It’s good to be king.” Anyway, I do believe the cover connects to one of the stories listed on the front entitled, “Hell of a Fix.” But that’s pure speculation on my part.

The magazine starts off with an editorial by Gordon Van Gelder, the Publisher/Editor of F&SF (anyone who pays much attention to genre fiction is more than likely familiar with this name – to some of us he almost seems like a family member…not that he’s been over to the house lately for a cup of coffee and a relaxing discussion on theoretical particle physics), and I’m always one to read the editorials. If you usually skip this sort of thing, you can learn an awful lot about the history or state of being of the genre. Hmmm, funny how I said that one this editorial does cover a bit of history, and a little of the future too.

Next up was a novelet by Alex Irvine called Dragon’s Teeth. Being that I read this during my lunch break and there were various loud conversations taking place around me, I found myself re-reading the first page. As you may agree, when reading a fantasy and you suddenly find yourself thrust into a world very much unlike your own, you want to make sure you understand, to the best of your ability, just what the setting is and what is going on. I wasn’t sure if I was going to care much for the way this story started, because of this singer character. For some reason I’m not big on singers in fantasy. Anyway, the singer ends up biting the dust. Big time (if you read it, you’ll see what I mean). So I was glad the singer wasn’t the protagonist, but instead it was a soldier named Paulus, who seems to have led a rather strange life, but has good fortune when it comes to battles and life and death situations. As a reward for accomplishing a particular task, he is sent on an errand that most would not particularly relish. I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but the story is called Dragon’s Teeth. That’s clue enough for you. It ended up pulling me in and I am very glad I read this story. I wanted more at the end though. There were things I never got to find out about. Perhaps Alex Irvine is saving that for another day.

The story was followed up by Books to Look For by Charles de Lint and then Books by James Sallis. These columns are always great places to find something of interest when you need a new book to read.

The last I read before this posting was a science fiction story called Bad Matter by Alexandra Duncan, and the intro compared her writing to Ursula LeGuin. What a huge compliment for Alexandra. So was the story any good? You bet it was. I absolutely love science fiction (as many of you may know, I’ve written a science fiction novel and am currently trying to get an agent – and my book contains a race of beings called the Calisari – hence the name of my space here, The Calisari Cafe), and I read a wide variety of it. I regret the fact that I will die before I can read it all! Anyway, this is an interesting story that takes place in the 26th century, and goes into some of the customs and cultural differences between those on earth and spacefaring merchant crewes. Great stuff that I recommend.

Look back here soon (perhaps tomorrow night? Hmmmm, what kind of a life do I have if I spend my Friday night posting to my blog? And what kind of life are you leading if you read it on a Friday night?) for more on the December 2009 issue of Fantasy & Science Fiction.

Harper Lee’s To Kill A Mockingbird is perhaps one of the top five greatest novels ever written. A bold statement, but one not easily refuted.

What other books qualify for greatest ever? Certainly The Great Gatsby is one of them. There are so many layers there, along with some of the prettiest sentences ever written. A list of greats, in no particular order, follows below. Keep in mind that these are books I’ve actually read, and is not exclusive. I would probably add more if I thought long enough. And whereas some books that are considered great may not be on my list, it’s either because I haven’t read them (The Sound and the Fury by Faulkner), or just wasn’t very taken by them (The Scarlet Letter by Hawthorne). I would be more than happy to discuss these selections, or your own, if you want to have a dialogue.

• Look Homeward, Angel (Thomas Wolfe)
• Winesburg, Ohio (Sherwood Anderson)
• The Magic Mountain (Thomas Mann)
• Middlemarch (George Eliot)
• Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austin)
• The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
• Go Down, Moses (William Faulkner)
• Nickel Mountain (John Gardner)
• Henderson the Rain King (Saul Bellow)
• The Chocolate War (Robert Cormier)
• Dune (Frank Herbert)
• Alas, Babylon (Pat Frank)
• On the Beach (Nevil Shute)
• 1984 (George Orwell)
• Rendezvous With Rama (Arthur C. Clarke)
• The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (Mark Twain)
• The Sparrow (Mary Doria Russell)
• Invisible Man (Ralph Ellison)
• The Makioka Sisters (Junichiro Tanizaki)
• Whirlwind (James Clavell)
• The Portrait of a Lady (Henry James)
• Fade (Robert Cormier)
• The Martian Chronicles (Ray Bradbury)
• Boy’s Life (Robert McCammon)
• A Passage to India (E.M. Forster)
• Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? (Philip K. Dick)
• The Lord of the Rings (J.R.R. Tolkien)
• The Hyperion Quartet (Dan Simmons)
• Prometheus Stumbles (Ed Gosney…um, not published yet)

Some of the most entertaining reads ever:

• A Song of Ice and Fire series (George R.R. Martin)
• The Amber Chronicles (Roger Zelazny)
• Shadows Fall (Simon R. Green)
• Replay (Ken Grimwood)
• The Thin Woman (Dorothy Cannell)
• Hound of the Baskervilles (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)
• The List of Seven (Mark Frost)
• Year Zero (Jeff Long)
• The Stand (Stephen King)
• Swan Song (Robert McCammon)
• Summer of Night (Dan Simmons)
• A Winter’s Haunting (Dan Simmons)
• The Kingdom of the Wall (Robert Silverberg)
• The Commonwealth Saga (Peter F. Hamilton)
• The Risen Empire (Scott Westerfeld)
• Shannara Series (Terry Brooks)
• The Engines of God (Jack McDevitt)
• Eternity Road (Jack McDevitt)

And that’s it, for now. There are many, many more books I could list under the second category, along with several more for the first.

Having books recommended to me is always interesting because of the divergent thought process involved in this. Most people know that I have a degree in English Education, that I have an extensive personal library of around 5,000 volumes, that I consider reading to rank somewhere between breathing and eating, and that I myself am in the midst of churning out a long science fiction novel. If they liked something, I should like it. You read all the time, they say, so you have to read this. Or sometimes I’m told not to read something because the language is archaic and the plot moves like a snail across melted butter.

Throughout the years, I’ve had a few people mention Dune as a worthy read, with a caveat that it is complex. That had steered me away. The word conjured up in my mind Faulknerian sentences that wouldn’t see a period for three pages; Thomas Mann’s Magic Mountain that was an uphill read best left to small doses, taking a year to finish; and Melville explaining to us the processes behind getting all that blubber off a whale. No. I was through with complex. I needed a break. I let thoughts of Frank Herbert’s Dune drift from my mind.

I had seen bits and pieces of David Lynch’s movie version on TV, the extended version with the voiceover at the beginning (Lynch’s name was removed) explaining where the story stood, the history of the peoples with the Butlerian Jihad and the formation of the Landsraad, CHOAM, and the important families such as Atriedes and Harkonnan. Finally one day I watched it in its entirety. An interesting story, I thought. And it had Captain John Luc Picard in it. Not to mention Sting. Along with these cool voicebox projectors that I’m sure many could find a use for. Sean Young was in it. I kept expecting her to say, “Deckard,” in that drawn out, annoying tone.

Years later, I began to get more interested in reading older science fiction and fantasy. I had finally, in my thirties, read Lord of the Rings, and I loved Zalazny’s Amber Chronicles. Not to mention Saberhagen’s Empire of the East trilogy, which was sort of a science fantasy blend. Not too much unlike what Brooks did with Shannara. So when I saw a commercial for an upcoming Dune miniseries on the Science Fiction Network, I figured I’d watch it.

I already knew the story from the movie, so it would be simple to follow.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. There were major differences, such as the absence of voiceboxes and the physical traits of the navigators. The miniseries proved to be deeper, richer, more complex (there’s that word again), and I figured it was high time to read the book to really figure out what was going on.

And the people who mentioned Dune to me were correct – it isn’t the easiest story out there to digest, but it certainly isn’t as complex as some of the above mentioned reads from my past. Yet stories with depth and complexity are usually more rewarding. If you want simple, watch Star Wars (I’m not trying to anger Star Wars fans, as it seems they are always arguing with Dune fans about their universes…who could win in a fight, Luke versus Paul, etc. – rather silly). It’s on a level that kids can understand, which is part of the reason for its continued popularity.

But if you want a rich universe full of spice (remember, the spice must flow!), Dune is most certainly it. Now embarking on this trip through fold-space, I was given warning by casual fans who had read at least a few tomes of Herbert’s world. “Don’t bother reading more than the first three,” was the general consensus. I’m so glad I don’t always listen to advice.

So why do some stop after the third book, or even sooner? I’m guessing there are several different reasons behind this. One is that book two, Dune Messiah, is very different from the original, and Children of Dune is still different yet. But at the same time, they really aren’t different. It’s the same teller, the same cast and families, but presented a little differently due to changes that take place. The story moves forward, people die, power changes hands.

Some people love mysteries that feature the same little old lady solving the same types of crimes, never evolving, despite what she went through. There is a certain comfort gained there. People like to cozy up to them and immerse themselves with the familiar. The concept is nothing new, but some authors have taken a stand and thrown their heroes over the falls, allowing a new tenant to move into 221B Baker Street. If the following is large enough, there will be public outrage. How dare the author kill their friend? Forget about artistic freedom, these fans are addicted (not unlike Holmes having a certain addiction!) to certain protagonists and need a fix.

So part of the major problem with Dune, not to give too much away to those who have yet to explore the vastness of its universe, is the elimination of its hero. Paul is dead (sort of makes you wonder if Herbert was a Beatles fan). And no one likes a tyrannical God-emperor, especially one that is somewhat reminiscent of James Earle Jones in the first Conan movie. To a casual fan, God-Emperor of Dune would probably be considered too long, too boring, and with no real action. Yet I can’t stress enough the importance of this novel in relation to the Dune Universe. Seeds and paths are planted here, and if you skip this book, you are cheating yourself of what came before it and what follows. Besides, if you ended up putting this one down because it wasn’t moving fast enough, why pick up Heretics and Chapterhouse, arguably the best two books in the series.

What did I just say? Blasphemy! Everyone knows that Paul is the hero of Dune, and that after he’s gone, none of it matters. Well, my fine Freman friends, these statements are usually uttered by those who have never read books five and six.

Heretics of Dune and Chapterhouse: Dune read quite differently than the earlier volumes. There is perhaps less complexity on some levels, but at the same time the stories are full of plots and subplots, plans within plans, if you will. Heretics and Chapterhouse are not simple, but the story-telling methods will be much more familiar to most casual readers, and the excitement level rises much higher than in the previous volumes. And the heroes come out in this one too. If you think Leto II and Paul could give Luke Skywalker a run for his money, Miles Teg would annihilate that poor moisture farmer. So who is this Teg guy? How is he so powerful? Read the novels, and keep in mind that quitting on this series is the little death that brings total obliteration.